You're My Penguin
by BloodRedLust
Summary: KLAINE's first ever fight.  First chapter is written entirely in Facebook status updates/comments, text messages and inbox messages.  Written for the FAGE fic exchange. Recipient is  Misskaterinab.  Jealous!Kurt.


**FicAwesome Gift Exchange- 3some**

**Title: 'You're My Penguin' – A Klaine two-shot**

**Written for: Misskaterinab**

**Written By: Bloodredlust**

**Rating: M for language, slash smut and lemons.**

**Summary/Prompt used: **A story, any genre, written entirely in texts or Facebook status updates/comments/posts.

A first time (first meeting, first kiss, first I love yous, first time they realized they were in love or interested, first TIME, first fight)

I would love any story from these prompts to be written with a heavy hand of snarky humor if at all possible.

**AN: I combined two of the prompts, coz it seemed to fit together nicely, and I **_**tried **_**to be snarky, but Kurt just didn't want to cooperate. I hope it's not too far from what you wanted hon. :) **

**If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this exchange visit the facebook group: 'Fanficaholics Anon: Where Obsession Never Sleeps' or add the C2 to get all the stories direct to your inbox. .net/community/FAGE_3some/93625/**

**Facebook**

Kurt Hummel went from being 'In a relationship' to 'single'.

Like. Comment. 8 minutes ago

Brittany S Pierce: 'Dislike' :(

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: Aww, Hell to the Naw boo, what happened?

Blaine Anderson: Kurt, please don't do this.

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: What the hell did you do to my boy, Anderson?

Blaine Anderson: Kurt, answer your phone baby, we NEED to talk about this.

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: Don't you dare ignore me, Warbler boy!

Blaine Anderson: Mercedes, I don't really want to discuss this on an open forum, I'm inboxing you right now.

Santana Lopez: Well you'd better Inbox me too, Warbler boy, coz I'm about to come up to that fancy prep school and go all Lima Heights on your fine, sexy ass.

_Brittany S Pierce, Mercedes 'Benz' Jones and 3 others like this_

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: Fine, but you better include Kurt in that message conversation, coz I'm not gonna discuss my boy with you behind his back.

Finn Hudson: What the hell, dude? Why are you breaking up with Blaine? Wait, have you locked yourself in the bathroom?

Kurt Hummel: You're all gossip whores! Go away and stop commenting on my status.

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: Kurt honey, if you didn't want us to comment, why did you announce it on Facebook?

_Rachel Berry likes this_

Thad Stuart: Kurt, if you need someone to talk to just let me know. Do you want to meet me for a coffee, at the Lima Bean, in say half an hour? My treat?

Blaine Anderson: OMG Thad, are you for real? Kurt and I have been together six months, we have our FIRST EVER FIGHT and within 15 minutes you're hitting on him? Back the fuck off!

_Noah Puckerman likes this_

Kurt Hummel: Oh, so you can go for coffee with a guy you've got a major crush on and I'm meant to think nothing of it, but when a mutual friend of ours kindly offers to lend an ear after a fight, you swear at him? DOUBLE STANDARDS.

Rachel Berry: Blaine, maybe Kurt should go and talk to Thad... and you should come and talk to me. I have two gay dads, I can help you work out what you did wrong.

Kurt Hummel: -_- Never forget that I own swords, Rachel

_Santana Lopez likes this_

Finn Hudson: Dammit Kurt, come out of the bathroom, I need to pee.

Kurt Hummel: ***sigh*** Use the one downstairs Finn

Finn Hudson: Oh yeah, right. Ok.

Kurt Hummel: ***rolls eyes***

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: I'm still waiting for that inbox, Blaine

Kurt Hummel: Cedes honey, can you come over?

Blaine Anderson: Kurt, PLEASE answer your phone. You know that he means nothing to me. I LOVE YOU, Kurt. He was just sitting there, and he said hi. I got him fired from his last job, I was just being polite. I should be able to talk to another guy without you getting jealous.

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: Sure boo, be there soon. Xoxo

Kurt Hummel: You were NOT just talking to him, Blaine!

Mercedes 'Benz' Jones: Oh! Was that the Gap attack guy? The one with the hair?

Kurt Hummel: Yes. The hair.

Blaine Anderson: Kurt, you're overreacting

Kurt Hummel: Oh? And you telling Thad to 'back the fuck off' wasn't overreacting?

Blaine Anderson: No, actually it wasn't. You forget, I've known Thad a lot longer than you have, I know what he's like. He can be very manipulative.

_Wes Montgomery likes this_

Thad Stuart: Well, thanks ever so much. I was just trying to help, Blaine.

Wes Montgomery: No Thad, you were trying to get a rebound fuck.

_Noah Puckerman likes this_

Noah Puckerman: Those are the best kind. :D

Lauren Zizes: LOL. I'm going to get popcorn, this is better than porn. :D

Thad Stuart: I was offering my support, Wesley. And if that support led Kurt to realise that I would be so much better for him than Anderson, all the better. Oh, and yes Kurt, I am aware that you can see what I just wrote. Subtlety has never been my strong suit.

Wes Montgomery: You're such an ass.

_Blaine Anderson likes this_

Thad Stuart: Hey! I resemble that remark. :P

_Wes Montgomery, Noah Puckerman and 4 others like this_

* * *

><p><strong>Private message from Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel, Mercedes 'Benz' Jones and Santana Lopez<strong>

**No Subject...**

Kurt, honey I am sorry that I hurt you, but please baby, you have to know that I would NEVER cheat on you! Honestly, I am hurt that you would even think that. Jeremiah was just sitting there, he already had his coffee and I was waiting for you, so I paused at his table to ask him how he was doing. He has a new job, and he's Out now, and I congratulated him on his bravery, because I know how big a deal that was for him. THAT is what you walked in on, okay? I had my hand on his shoulder and I was smiling at him because I am happy for him, but I am INSANELY HAPPY WITH YOU... and I will not let you break up with me over this. I love you too much to let you go, especially over something as ridiculous as this, Kurt.

Now, I honestly didn't want to include the girls in this message, but I know how much you mean to them, and vice versa, so I did it, because I don't want your friends to think I'm an asshole. Mercedes, I understand that Kurt is your best friend and that you are protective of him, but please understand that he means the world to me too. I would appreciate it if you would all stop hovering around our relationship just waiting for me to fuck it up. Oh, and Santana, please stop making comments about my ass. My ass is spoken for, it belongs to another. I'm not just some floozy. Your lewd comments make me uncomfortable. I'm gay, and you're... Lebanese, apparently. Go hit on someone your own size... AND gender. :P

I'm not going to harass you any more today, but please promise me you will call me when you are ready to talk. I love you Kurt.

Blaine 3

* * *

><p><em><strong>Blaine Anderson, Tina Cohen-Chang and 8 other people commented on your changed relationship status.<strong>_

Tina Cohen-Chang: Whoa, what did I miss?

Noah Puckerman: Blaine's cheating on Kurt.

Tina Cohen-Chang: NO! Really? With who? :(

Noah Puckerman: Dunno yet, some guy with hair.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Yeah, 'cause that narrows it down. -_-

Santana Lopez: Well, at least it rules out Puck. :P

Noah Puckerman: Hey! I've got hair.

Santana Lopez: Racing stripes don't count, Puck.

Blaine Anderson: ***rolls eyes*** C'mon guys, can you please stop feeding into this? I am not, nor will I ever be, cheating on Kurt. It's just a misunderstanding.

Tina Cohen-Chang: Sorry Blaine, I hope you and Kurt work this out soon. You guys are amazing together.

Blaine Anderson: Thanks Tina, I hope so too. :)

* * *

><p><strong>Private message from Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel<strong>

**No subject...**

Actually no, I've changed my mind. I'm not going to leave you alone and let you continue to be angry at me for something I didn't do Kurt. Your jealousy is cute, yes, but it is also ridiculous, and so unnecessary. If I wanted to be with anyone else Kurt, then I would just break up with you. I DON'T WANT ANYONE BUT YOU.

* * *

><p><strong>Private message from Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel<strong>

**No subject...**

_My life is brilliant, my love is pure, I saw an Angel, Of that I'm sure_

_He smiled at me on a staircase, we ran hand in hand, I didn't know then what he would be to me, but now I understand._

_Kurt, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful it's true. _

_I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do, coz I know I can't ever be without you._

* * *

><p><strong>You have ONE new text message<strong>

**from 'Mercedes Jones'**

My car broke down boo. I've called

your dad, he's on his way out here

now to tow it to his shop. He's gonna

drop me at your house on the way.

**Reply?**

**To: Mercedes Jones**

Okay girl, tell him to hurry though, I

need my girly hugs. I'm dangerously

close to letting myself eat ice cream. :(

**You have ONE new text message**

**from 'Mercedes Jones'**

Damn boo, it must be bad. You know

you'd be better off discussing this with

him, not me... have you even spoken

to him yet?

**Reply?**

**To: Mercedes Jones**

I'm not even going to dignify that

with an answer. -_-

**You have ONE new text message**

**from 'Mercedes Jones'**

Ouch! I can feel that glare through

the phone. You know that no matter

what I say to you, you're not gonna

even start to feel better about this til

you've spoken to him. Wait up, I'm

gonna sign in to MSN, it's easier.

* * *

><p>K: I don't want to talk to him, I'm too angry. Actually no, I'm more sad than angry.<p>

M: Yeah, I'm getting that.

K: What's the point, M? He's already looking at other guys, forgiving him now is only going to prolong the inevitable. I'm better off just letting him go now, before I end up even more heartbroken.

M: Kurt Hummel. You can't see me right now, but I'm shaking my head at you. I'm not indulging you with this pity party. Snap your skinny white ass out of this BS, and call your boy.

K: Can't. I want him to suffer a bit more first, so he knows what I'm going through.

M: Kurt, how many missed calls and texts do you have from him?

K: 16 calls, 11 texts and 4 Facebook messages. He even rang the house phone twice and left messages with Carole for me, and he called Finn's phone and got him to tell me that he was sorry, and he loves me through the bathroom door, while I was pooping! :/ I don't need to tell you how awkward that was.

M: Classy! Hmmm, don't you think he's suffered enough? If he didn't love you, if he wanted to be with that other guy, Kurt, he wouldn't bother trying to explain, would he?

K: Whose side are you on?

M: LOL, yours boo, always yours. So tell me this? Are you really ready to give up everything you guys have together?

K: Of course not, he knows that.

M: Then why did you break up with him on Facebook? All those calls and messages and you haven't responded to any of them. He's not just suffering, Boo, he'd be in agony.

M: Kurt? You still there?

K: Do you really think I'm overreacting?

M: Not really, well, maybe a little, but you have every right to be upset... but not talking to him is just making it worse.

K: :'(

M: Your Dad just got here. Do you still want me to come over?

K: God yes! I need one of your world famous, patented Jones mani/pedis, or I'll take out my woes on Ben and Jerry.

M: Haha, okay Boo. Be there soon. Love you... and stay away from that freezer! xoxox

* * *

><p><strong>Private message from Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel<strong>

**No subject...**

I am trying to understand why you seem to be so insecure about our relationship all of a sudden. Haven't I told you hundreds of times that I love you? Haven't I shown you, with my actions and my body and my words and my songs how much you mean to me? What more do you want me to do, Kurt? Please, tell me and I'll do it. I don't even care at this point whether I was in the wrong today or not, I just want to fix this so we can get back to being us. You are everything to me. You are my soul mate. You are perfect. You have no need to be jealous of me talking to another guy Kurt, because I don't see anyone but you anymore, it's like I'm blind. No-one can compare to you. Will you let me come over tonight, so we can talk?

* * *

><p>Blaine: Kurt I love you. Please talk to me?<p>

Blaine: Dammit, I didn't even do anything wrong Kurt, why are you treating me like this?

Blaine: I'm not gonna go away until we've talked about this.

Blaine: It's been EIGHT hours Kurt, hasn't this gone on long enough?

Blaine: Look, you are too important to me for me to let you throw away what we have over a misunderstanding, Kurt.

Blaine: You are the only person in the world that I want to be with Kurt. I thought you knew that?

Blaine: In the immortal words of Bryan Adams:

_ So if you're feeling lonely, don't._

_ You're the only one I'll ever want_

_ The one thing I depend on,_

_ Is for us to stay strong,_

_ Believe me; every word I say is true_

_ Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you._

Blaine: Okay, I realise at this point that you could have me arrested for stalking and harassment; I swear, I never thought I would be 'that' kind of guy. Look, if you mean this... if you and I are truly over, please just reply to me and tell me that you don't love me anymore. Kurt, it will destroy me to hear those words from you, but if it's really what you want, I will respect it. You are hurt and angry, and I am so deeply sorry that I made you feel that way. Please talk to me, and let me take the hurt away.

Blaine: Jeremiah and I were only ever friends, Kurt. Nothing ever happened between us, and nothing EVER will.

Kurt: You said that you were in love with him Blaine; clearly your feelings were not just 'friendly'. You two only didn't get together because you were underage, but you're not going to be for much longer. What if he changes his mind, Blaine, huh? What if he does want you now? Do you have any idea how much it _hurt _me to see you with him?

Blaine: Oh God, thank you for replying, I'm going out of my mind here. Kurt, let me come over, please, so we can talk.

Kurt: It's late Blaine. I just want to sleep, and forget today ever happened.

Blaine: Okay, I understand. But before you sleep, love, please will you just give me five minutes of your time?

Blaine: Kurt, please? Please love, I'm begging you? I can't sleep or even relax until we work this out. Please talk to me?

Kurt: ***sighs*** Okay. Are you going to call me?

Blaine: :D Thank you... and no, no need to. Just come to your window. :)

* * *

><p>To be continued...<p>

**BloodRedLust**


End file.
